I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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