i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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