Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
