drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
There's a naked man in my car right now.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
