i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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