Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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