And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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