i was born a porn star she said
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
