just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Randomize
