I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
