I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
