He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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