Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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