Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
