there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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