Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
