Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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