how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
