She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
