I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
