I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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