Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
