We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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