Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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