She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
