I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
