I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
