Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
