I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
