So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
