dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
