It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
