What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
