just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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