My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
