wat bout pragnant strippers??
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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