Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
