Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
