he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
