Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Houston, we have a blender
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
