i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
