the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
