3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
