Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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