Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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