Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
