I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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