dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
This beer is not sobering me up at all
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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