I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
