When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
