guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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