omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
