Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
